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3 Things I Care About More Than Your 50,000 Twitter Followers…Butthead!

August 23, 2011

 

So I read another post a few days back, yup, another Business blog article. Another blogger patting himself on the back: “I’ve reached 50,000 Twitter followers.”

Or was it 100,000?

The point is…it doesn’t matter!

The post’s author started spewing about how this ghastly number of followers sends a message to those who might see it: “As somebody with this many followers, you can automatically consider me an expert in my field. I have the numbers to prove it!”

 

My response is three-fold:

1) 50,000, 100,000 or 250,000 Twitter followers is an illusion!

It’s like a guy who stuffs a sock down his pants to impress the ladies. “Look gals…I have a big dingaling!” The fact is, “No you don’t! You have a sock in your pants making it look like you have a big dingaling!”

 

2) Those 50,000 or 250,000 Twitter followers are not following you. Get it through your head! You yourself are following 100,000 on Twitter. Are you actually following them? No! So what makes you think they are following you? They are just people you conveniently neglect to delete in order to inflate your numbers!

 

3) I dare you to take the following challenge: Take a day and whittle your account down. Remove all of the spammers, pornographers, call-girls and steroid-salesmen who are following you. All of them. Yes, Mr. 50,000 Followers, I’ll tell you what, if you have 5,000 left after the purging, I’ll buy you lunch at the restaurant of your choice.

 

In honor of your 50,000 or 1,000,000 followers, here is a list of three things I care more about:

 

1)  I care more that: The Dung Beetle feeds entirely off of feces excreted by other animals. It can collect a ball nearly 100 times its own weight!

 

2) I care more that: Neglecting to properly care for your toenails can result in infection. (Not my toe in the photo)

 

3) I care more about: What color suspenders Larry King will be wearing today.

 

Those followers? It’s just a number. It’s an ego trip!

 

Take the challenge. Get rid of those who are not following you.

 

Take that damn sock out of your pants and put it on your foot, where it belongs!

 Butthead!

 

 

 

Yonatan Maisel is a professional writer. He thinks spiders are marvelous creatures and hates anyone who murders them.

 

 

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